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About Literature / Artist Carly28/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
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I didn't want to
I knew there was something off
when I first met you,
I fucking didn't.
I believed you were my perfect friend,
I scraped the inside of my eyes
with false memories
all to appease YOU.
I never wanted to see you angry,
but I didn't know the scent of your sorrow.
I never knew I could feel so guilty
while observing such dry eyes.
I finally woke up
when I realized you wanted my spine.
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 1 0
The gemini twins of neurosis
When my duodenum
isn't crawling with moths,
I feel like the deep color blue
that cannot express itself.
When my lungs no longer feel
like they are collapsing,
my eyes must cleanse
the salt from my body.
When my thoughts finally
stop racing so I can fall asleep,
my cerebrum fills me with strange imagery
about sexual repression and guilt.
It's as if breathing away the pain
also breathes away my happiness.
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 0 0
When you say what you don't mean
Caustic words
roll off my tongue
tearing your ascending aorta
I think I heard it stutter
I'm so sorry.
Smoke rolls around me, consuming me, making me feel...
I was clawing
and you got in the way
And it was all
my fault.
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 1 0
The closer I step to happiness
the more I am afraid.
What if pure contentment hurts me?
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 1 2
Dark purple
bitter sweet
liquid slides down my gullet
Warming, calming
face numbing
Fade into relaxation
fade into uncertainty
The mask slips away
the eyes drift out of focus
Lips stained with purple red
open with curiosity
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 0 0
I am so sorry
that I cannot
catch my breath
I will breathe in a moment
help me.
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 0 0
If we can even call it that
I don't know whether to hate you
 or to love you
   or somewhere in-fucking-between
The issue is, I don't know where in-fucking-between is
      how does that even feel?
 I can't find my feelings sometimes
   lost in fog
     lost in liquid drops from the sky

 lost in the waves of a bathtub
   lost in the whispers of my gray blue mind

Sometimes it's yellow, yellow, yellow
in my head
  like lighting accompanied by thunder
   shaking, aching
screams trapped inside my wooden cage chest
  fracturing, pulling inward
So you see, I can't seem to fit you
  inside my space of chaos
even though I try
   even though I don't know that you even deserve it
even friendships can feel too much
if we can even call it that
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 0 0
Found love
when I stopped looking
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 8 6
The Day the Stars Died
The day they died
They suffered, they cried-
They exploded into fizzling fireworks
After the silence, they bled
They bled an inky black into the night sky
Breathless, choking
Quiet, Quiet
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 1 0
Mature content
Whatever :iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 0 0
I keep thinking about our long term friendship and wonder - wonder -
How did I end up here?
My heart contains tiny pins
and I used to wonder - wonder -
where did those come from?
But now I know,
because the pins contain your blood.
Do I really need to pretend
in order to survive?
I know you will notice
as I remove the pins
that the pain will subside.
I just can't bear
the burden of you.
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 1 0
You again (Prose/Poem)
I can't help but notice you and your friends creating preemptive excuses for your behavior before we even have a chance to speak about this.
I don't know what to say anymore.
It's like with every passive aggressive clipping or speech that is uttered by you and your posse, I want to speak with you about your behavior less and less.
(I would rather just shut you out.)
And YES, they are just excuses. Excuses winding around me with little pieces of thread attempting to capture me in ideas, ideas I will not accept.
(I will not be trained.)
You cannot convince me that being manipulative, controlling, victimizing yourself and blowing up over the little things has a good excuse.
I don't know what to say anymore.
It's like you're trying to train my mind to feel less bad about these behaviors.
(Gas lighting.)
I don't know what to say anymore.
It's almost as if you are using the same techniques that I take issue with. Funny.
I don't know what to do anymore.
But it's okay, poison, when taken corre
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 1 3
I'm sorry you believe
that you deserve my flesh
bruised, cut, beaten and rotting-
my body belongs to me.
I'm sorry you believe
that you deserve my wailing
twisted insides, the pit in my stomach, my fire heart-
those feelings belong to me.
Stab me once, stab me twice-
I may bleed, my hands may sweat,
my heart may pound, but I am in control.
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 3 1
Little did I know
Little did I know
that the face that I was putting forward
was a warm mask, keeping me safe
behind the cherry smile,
salty rivers flow from empty sockets.
My stomach turns,
twisted branches tearing-
wrapping around my lungs.
I try to catch my breath,
but I sink to the ground again
and all I see is fog.
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 2 0
Perfect Anxiety
You are a waste of space in my head
The flexing of
b r e a t h l e s s n e s s
I am convinced in my own mind
Seething with rage
caged up in my own senses
my head hurts again
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 1 0
Inside Myself
I used to think
that self discovery involved
turning to everyone else and asking
"How do I be me?"
Prevented me
from fitting
inside myself
:iconpagesofdreams:PagesOfDreams 2 1



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RIP Chester Bennington. :(


Artist | Literature
United States


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maiarcita Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2017
Thankss for :+fav:
Al Caer La Tarde by maiarcita
I really appreciate :iconcocoloveplz: :rose:
(1 Reply)
Eremitik Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2017
Thanks for collecting Opportunity.
(1 Reply)
inkedacrylic Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2017   General Artist
thank you for the faves! :eager:
(1 Reply)
JayLeyPrice Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for favouring ma silly wee words dear lass
(1 Reply)
DiDiDimples Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave! :heart:
(2 Replies)
Lintu47 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank You (16) by daniya-ART
(1 Reply)
shotgunSKgamer Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2016
Thanks for the llama :clap:
(1 Reply)
Metanaito-kyou Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2016
Thanks for the llama! Right back at 'cha!
(1 Reply)
kativonD Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2016
llama received and llama returned, thank you :llama favourite: 
(1 Reply)
BKASSASSIN Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2016
Thanks for llama :)
(1 Reply)
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